One whole year

One whole year
Still I wonder
Where you’ve been
Where’s your thunder
Not coming back
I see that’s clear
One whole year
Oh my dear
The sun it shines
The moon it glows
I stare at the clouds
Hoping they show
Some kind of sign
Some bright path
That leads me to
Nature’s wrath
I’d fight the stars
I’d shove the sun
To get you back
For a little fun
One whole year
Still I wonder
Where you are
Where’s your thunder
Your light won’t fade
I want you back
But this year I won’t be afraid

for my father - September 2007

This is my past

Where do you go when you get quiet
Where do you go when you dont speak
If I sit here in your darkness
Is it your demons I hear in the creaks
Your softer side has left you
disdain upon your face
angry words you'll mutter
I wasn't made to keep this pace
Come out from your darkness
I am nothing without you
I can be your angel
let me see your eyes shine blue

I bid 2008 farewell

Its been a year of observance.. A year of travel.. A year of fun.. A year of setbacks and harsh realities... A year of moving forward waits for me.. A year to love myself more than I do because sometimes its hard to really love yourself.. true? I've seen it all and have felt more than I wanted to feel.. You push forward.. you smile.. you laugh and then you cry and through your tears you wonder where your joy went.. I've been as high as the moon and as low as this earths core it seems. Sometimes difficult to get up and all too easy to be pushed back down.

Oh do I sometimes miss the years of my life that mattered nothing because I had my entire life ahead of me.. selfish was ok.. being all about me was acceptable.. and to an extent it still is but the choices I make define my life more so now than ever.

I fear I live in fear.. this statement is something I struggle with because I am not sure how accurate it is. Am I just more mature and understand what I want and don't want more or do I push good things away because I fear them. Let go? Life life to its fullest.. Fall for the man who is falling for you not for the one who dismisses you.. but how can i fall for something I am not 100% sure I want to fall for.. I wonder, am I fooling myself waiting and searching for butterflies and giggles? Or do I create those things.. I suppose we create our own harmony. We can choose happiness over pain.. We can choose to smile instead of frown but what if I want something I do not have.. how can I smile from ear to ear when I am not complete.

And so I go.. 2009 here I come.. a smile for sure.. a glimmer of hope.. to have and to hold