the abandoners

The abandoners

What happened to us isn’t right
The way we just disappeared
One so soon after the other
It isn’t fair that a family of five can be three just like that
Or that I’m supposed to erase the emergency contact from my passport
The instruction was to use pencil
Now I know why
So I crossed out his number and I wrote ocean and next to that I wrote go fish
He is in the ocean after all
I use the words involuntary abandonment when I describe myself to myself at my weakest moments
They didn’t ask to leave me
They just did
It wasn’t their will to die
But they died
Their joint tombstone should read ‘abandoners’
Of daughter, of sister, mother, brother and friend
Do my words sound harsh
They ought to
This is me encased in self pity
Why should I suffer?
I suppose my tombstone should read ‘unwilling to believe in death'
Couldn’t accept the fact that they left her to she drowned herself in her own self pity
Sometimes I feel better than you
Because my pain is bigger than yours
I mock you in these moments and I feel special
But I know I am not special
The world is death
It is life and it is death
And all the world dies
In rage and in anger it falls aways
Sometimes in peace and hope
But new blood always blooms
When my self pity disappears I feel lucky
For peace was your ending
But still, in my world, no one dies
In my bubble of dreams we are all safe from the sky
I wish you hadn’t popped my bubble
Remind me not to thank you… Ever
Even after I remove the forks from my eyes and return to a state of understanding , I will still have no regard for you at all because what happened to us, isn’t right
The way we just disappeared
Because in my world, no one dies, in my bubble of dreams we are all safe from the sky and this, this is all just one big, fat lie.