That sadly, you have to lose something to learn something
That as much time that passes, the memory of someone loved never fades
That the pain never really goes away, you just get used to it
To have faith in a higher power is comforting, even enlightening but, sometimes it feels useless and silly
That the smell of fresh air brings a smile to my face and briskness, early in the morning, can be energizing if you get over the initial reaction of being cold.
That listening to your instincts is empowering
That words come out better when you think before you speak as opposed to the other way around
That confidence is everything
That hearing what you already know from a stranger is more useful sometimes than hearing it from your best friend.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
titleless
Its not right this life I know
Its not fair you had to go
Its not easy without you here
Every moment, more dauntingly clear
Nothing will change
You wont come back
They'll forget the final act
My heart is heavy
Tears like streams
Haunt my every
Waking dream
Tears in buckets
Fits of rage
Raw emotion
Melt my age
I pass time
like im not here
I have longings
wicked fears
06/09 kc
Its not fair you had to go
Its not easy without you here
Every moment, more dauntingly clear
Nothing will change
You wont come back
They'll forget the final act
My heart is heavy
Tears like streams
Haunt my every
Waking dream
Tears in buckets
Fits of rage
Raw emotion
Melt my age
I pass time
like im not here
I have longings
wicked fears
06/09 kc
Empty
Tick Tock goes the clock
Won't you steal a piece of me?
I can't give you what you want
There isn't anything left you see
Shattered
Broken
Beaten down
Angels sing let go of your frown
How to love you?
I dont know
How you'll leave me
I can almost see you go
Tick Tock goes the clock
Won't you give me a piece of you?
Make me whole
Make me complete
Make me want to see this through
summer 2009 kc
Won't you steal a piece of me?
I can't give you what you want
There isn't anything left you see
Shattered
Broken
Beaten down
Angels sing let go of your frown
How to love you?
I dont know
How you'll leave me
I can almost see you go
Tick Tock goes the clock
Won't you give me a piece of you?
Make me whole
Make me complete
Make me want to see this through
summer 2009 kc
Peaceful Sleep
Where do I go
When I sleep
To a land beyond
These city streets
To another realm
Where spirits lie
To the one beyond
Where no one cries
I rise in peace
In utter awe
I scratch my head
As if I've a flaw
An absence of war inside my head
An absence of fear
The devil has fled
Do I go to you
Do you come to me
Are you with me now
What's next to see
Summer 09 kc
When I sleep
To a land beyond
These city streets
To another realm
Where spirits lie
To the one beyond
Where no one cries
I rise in peace
In utter awe
I scratch my head
As if I've a flaw
An absence of war inside my head
An absence of fear
The devil has fled
Do I go to you
Do you come to me
Are you with me now
What's next to see
Summer 09 kc
In Another Realm
In another realm
Where spirits roam
In summer rain
You have found your home
In broken dreams
A mother screams
And waves goodbye
I wait for you to find me
When it comes clear
There’s another sphere
Where spirits roam
I look for you
Waves will break
And hearts will ache
And grievers wait
For peace to find them
That’s when I see
An orange sun
Suddenly I’m blinded
Where are you
For it is clear
And I thank you dear
Because I know you’ve found me
And it is sun
My only hope
For all I’ll soak
I’ve found you
Where spirits roam
In summer rain
You have found your home
In broken dreams
A mother screams
And waves goodbye
I wait for you to find me
When it comes clear
There’s another sphere
Where spirits roam
I look for you
Waves will break
And hearts will ache
And grievers wait
For peace to find them
That’s when I see
An orange sun
Suddenly I’m blinded
Where are you
For it is clear
And I thank you dear
Because I know you’ve found me
And it is sun
My only hope
For all I’ll soak
I’ve found you
Absence
Your absense is definite
There is no need for signs
I don't believe them today
Not a glimmer of hope
There is no need to fight reality
Delusions are unnecessary
Time wont heal absence
It won't return you from Kingdom Come
It will not lesson the pang I feel when I utter the word
I am unguided
I walk alone
Not even your heart feigns signficance to me now
Simple, I don't know
Everything motion has a price
Or perhaps nothing has a price at all
What did I see in your eyes just now
Did your laugh mean more than what I thought
My next step is my only next move
My thoughts of past, present and future, interwined
Every word haunts
Every memory evokes tears
Perhaps its better to not feel
And so I am silent
Peace and torture
Peace and torture
Balance
Ease me
09/09/09 kc
There is no need for signs
I don't believe them today
Not a glimmer of hope
There is no need to fight reality
Delusions are unnecessary
Time wont heal absence
It won't return you from Kingdom Come
It will not lesson the pang I feel when I utter the word
I am unguided
I walk alone
Not even your heart feigns signficance to me now
Simple, I don't know
Everything motion has a price
Or perhaps nothing has a price at all
What did I see in your eyes just now
Did your laugh mean more than what I thought
My next step is my only next move
My thoughts of past, present and future, interwined
Every word haunts
Every memory evokes tears
Perhaps its better to not feel
And so I am silent
Peace and torture
Peace and torture
Balance
Ease me
09/09/09 kc
Fly
In silence
I take flight
Swarming in my mind
Thoughts of you
This world unkind
My heart lay open
My soul on fire
Uneasy breathing
Eyes gone wild
Vivid is my mind
Weakened are my bones
Hopeful in my meloncholy
Wishful to feel at home
Soaring through the sky
I see a familiar bird
My quiet is awakened
Tears form in my eyes
I feel again
the familiar sadness
But I feel again
raw
not devoid
10/12/09 kc
I take flight
Swarming in my mind
Thoughts of you
This world unkind
My heart lay open
My soul on fire
Uneasy breathing
Eyes gone wild
Vivid is my mind
Weakened are my bones
Hopeful in my meloncholy
Wishful to feel at home
Soaring through the sky
I see a familiar bird
My quiet is awakened
Tears form in my eyes
I feel again
the familiar sadness
But I feel again
raw
not devoid
10/12/09 kc
Friday, March 27, 2009
Strength is this
With every loss
There is a gain
Every tear
Is not in vain
Something learned
Reason to ponder
I hold my thoughts
Your memory fonder
I treasure you
And have no fear
To move ahead
I must adhere
To life's purpose
Hope essential
Faith devout
Prayers are answered
Laughter sprouts
Forever through
This worlds tragedies
And in between
My brothers flame
Will conquer rain
kc 3 27 09
There is a gain
Every tear
Is not in vain
Something learned
Reason to ponder
I hold my thoughts
Your memory fonder
I treasure you
And have no fear
To move ahead
I must adhere
To life's purpose
Hope essential
Faith devout
Prayers are answered
Laughter sprouts
Forever through
This worlds tragedies
And in between
My brothers flame
Will conquer rain
kc 3 27 09
Thursday, January 29, 2009
no more sorries
Hold the mirror
to your face
what you see
you can not replace
same as this
I ask you dear
don't beg for mercy
there is none here
I've got none to spare
You've got nothing to hide
You're all alone
In your made up demise
Wipe the handle of that blade
Put it down
Stop placing blame
Find a replacement
For your tears
Life it isn’t waiting dear
Jan 09 kc
to your face
what you see
you can not replace
same as this
I ask you dear
don't beg for mercy
there is none here
I've got none to spare
You've got nothing to hide
You're all alone
In your made up demise
Wipe the handle of that blade
Put it down
Stop placing blame
Find a replacement
For your tears
Life it isn’t waiting dear
Jan 09 kc
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Dripping Daisies
Dripping Daisies
Pretty Face
Tears Streaming
Lightning Pace
Burning Rage
Inside Out
Red Hot Thunder
Flaming Spout
Cloudy Waters
Welling Storms
Leaves Are Heavy
Puddles Form
Dripping Daisies
Fell From Grace
Hope Will Help Me
Keep My Face
2007
Pretty Face
Tears Streaming
Lightning Pace
Burning Rage
Inside Out
Red Hot Thunder
Flaming Spout
Cloudy Waters
Welling Storms
Leaves Are Heavy
Puddles Form
Dripping Daisies
Fell From Grace
Hope Will Help Me
Keep My Face
2007
Leave
Just when I got used to
Having you around
You up and leave
Smile to frown
Same old story
Happens again
Comfortably happy
Begins then ends
Shaken and stirred
Mixed and mashed
I have to start over
Let go of my past
Watch you leave
Tears stream down
I’m happy for you But not for my frown
Will I see you again?
In some other place
Will we still remain?
As close as this space
Guess we will
I trust in us
I bid you farewell
Airplanes cause dust
2007
Having you around
You up and leave
Smile to frown
Same old story
Happens again
Comfortably happy
Begins then ends
Shaken and stirred
Mixed and mashed
I have to start over
Let go of my past
Watch you leave
Tears stream down
I’m happy for you But not for my frown
Will I see you again?
In some other place
Will we still remain?
As close as this space
Guess we will
I trust in us
I bid you farewell
Airplanes cause dust
2007
Saturday, December 27, 2008
One whole year
One whole year
Still I wonder
Where you’ve been
Where’s your thunder
Not coming back
I see that’s clear
One whole year
Oh my dear
The sun it shines
The moon it glows
I stare at the clouds
Hoping they show
Some kind of sign
Some bright path
That leads me to
Nature’s wrath
I’d fight the stars
I’d shove the sun
To get you back
For a little fun
One whole year
Still I wonder
Where you are
Where’s your thunder
Your light won’t fade
I want you back
But this year I won’t be afraid
for my father - September 2007
Still I wonder
Where you’ve been
Where’s your thunder
Not coming back
I see that’s clear
One whole year
Oh my dear
The sun it shines
The moon it glows
I stare at the clouds
Hoping they show
Some kind of sign
Some bright path
That leads me to
Nature’s wrath
I’d fight the stars
I’d shove the sun
To get you back
For a little fun
One whole year
Still I wonder
Where you are
Where’s your thunder
Your light won’t fade
I want you back
But this year I won’t be afraid
for my father - September 2007
This is my past
Where do you go when you get quiet
Where do you go when you dont speak
If I sit here in your darkness
Is it your demons I hear in the creaks
Your softer side has left you
disdain upon your face
angry words you'll mutter
I wasn't made to keep this pace
Come out from your darkness
I am nothing without you
I can be your angel
let me see your eyes shine blue
Where do you go when you dont speak
If I sit here in your darkness
Is it your demons I hear in the creaks
Your softer side has left you
disdain upon your face
angry words you'll mutter
I wasn't made to keep this pace
Come out from your darkness
I am nothing without you
I can be your angel
let me see your eyes shine blue
I bid 2008 farewell
Its been a year of observance.. A year of travel.. A year of fun.. A year of setbacks and harsh realities... A year of moving forward waits for me.. A year to love myself more than I do because sometimes its hard to really love yourself.. true? I've seen it all and have felt more than I wanted to feel.. You push forward.. you smile.. you laugh and then you cry and through your tears you wonder where your joy went.. I've been as high as the moon and as low as this earths core it seems. Sometimes difficult to get up and all too easy to be pushed back down.
Oh do I sometimes miss the years of my life that mattered nothing because I had my entire life ahead of me.. selfish was ok.. being all about me was acceptable.. and to an extent it still is but the choices I make define my life more so now than ever.
I fear I live in fear.. this statement is something I struggle with because I am not sure how accurate it is. Am I just more mature and understand what I want and don't want more or do I push good things away because I fear them. Let go? Life life to its fullest.. Fall for the man who is falling for you not for the one who dismisses you.. but how can i fall for something I am not 100% sure I want to fall for.. I wonder, am I fooling myself waiting and searching for butterflies and giggles? Or do I create those things.. I suppose we create our own harmony. We can choose happiness over pain.. We can choose to smile instead of frown but what if I want something I do not have.. how can I smile from ear to ear when I am not complete.
And so I go.. 2009 here I come.. a smile for sure.. a glimmer of hope.. to have and to hold
Oh do I sometimes miss the years of my life that mattered nothing because I had my entire life ahead of me.. selfish was ok.. being all about me was acceptable.. and to an extent it still is but the choices I make define my life more so now than ever.
I fear I live in fear.. this statement is something I struggle with because I am not sure how accurate it is. Am I just more mature and understand what I want and don't want more or do I push good things away because I fear them. Let go? Life life to its fullest.. Fall for the man who is falling for you not for the one who dismisses you.. but how can i fall for something I am not 100% sure I want to fall for.. I wonder, am I fooling myself waiting and searching for butterflies and giggles? Or do I create those things.. I suppose we create our own harmony. We can choose happiness over pain.. We can choose to smile instead of frown but what if I want something I do not have.. how can I smile from ear to ear when I am not complete.
And so I go.. 2009 here I come.. a smile for sure.. a glimmer of hope.. to have and to hold
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
realizations
Afraid of this
And who I am
Afraid you’ll see
And not understand
Afraid of me
And how I’ll be
Afraid to show you
What I’ve seen
Afraid I’ll love you
And you wont back
Afraid to want you
And you wont act
All this time
I’ve thought I’ve known
What I’ve needed
How I’ve grown
I know nothing
Of what I need
Or do I know
And just don’t believe
And who I am
Afraid you’ll see
And not understand
Afraid of me
And how I’ll be
Afraid to show you
What I’ve seen
Afraid I’ll love you
And you wont back
Afraid to want you
And you wont act
All this time
I’ve thought I’ve known
What I’ve needed
How I’ve grown
I know nothing
Of what I need
Or do I know
And just don’t believe
Monday, July 28, 2008
Goal Numero Uno - Accomplished
Check - I've run a half marathon.. I did it on a whim and I proved to myself I can do anything I put my mind to.. I ran and I ran and i never looked back.. I never looked too far ahead either.. I ran mile by mile and I told myself I could do it. I was confident and I was proud and I felt every single moment and I will cherish those two hours and 9 minutes for the rest of my life.. and I wasn't alone.. My father was there. I felt him in every step.. in every breath. he guided me. I believe that.. you may not. but i do.. two hours and 9 minutes of my life I will remember forever.. Im blessed to have had that time.. to have run freely and wholy.. for myself.. i did it for myself.. the best gift i could give to me..
7/27/08
check check
7/27/08
check check
Friday, July 25, 2008
Butterfly
Sweet September
Sweet September
Take me back to sweet September
Let me change the way it was
Take me back to sweet September
The day my sun fell to dust
Take me back to sweet September
Let me change the scene
Let me not see death
A knife puncturing me
The ringing noise that silenced me
Take me back to sweet September
Let me change the path
Daddies little girl
Jimmy’s favorite girl
Alas they’ve both banished me
Take me back to sweet September
2006
Take me back to sweet September
Let me change the way it was
Take me back to sweet September
The day my sun fell to dust
Take me back to sweet September
Let me change the scene
Let me not see death
A knife puncturing me
The ringing noise that silenced me
Take me back to sweet September
Let me change the path
Daddies little girl
Jimmy’s favorite girl
Alas they’ve both banished me
Take me back to sweet September
2006
Thursday, July 24, 2008
true happiness
my other halve.. my twin is engaged.. engaged to a gorgeous, amazing, strong and courageous girl.. i call her courageous because she accepts Michael.. gorgeous because she is.. amazing because believe it or not, I've seen her grow into her own over the last two years.. I consider myself to be a perceptive person, and I've seen her become someone that I can truly respect over the last few years.. I think my favorite thing about her is her laugh.. she shares with the Chatzopoulos's the laugh.. the all wholehearted, I'm enjoying life, because its funny laugh.. and i love it.. Strong because she's an athlete.. Strong because she's shared so many moments with our family with all the confidence it takes.. maybe nervous but she never showed it.. I think my dad adored her.. If I could speak for him I would say he adored her.. her candor, her laughter, her intelligence.. and her love for Michael..
I have never seen my brother so happy.. I am thrilled for him.. i am thrilled for his happiness.. and I may not always be able to express these feelings verbally because it is not always my nature to be forthcoming, i feel them and I wish them the world.. everything they desire..
i would share my birthday with you too..
love
I have never seen my brother so happy.. I am thrilled for him.. i am thrilled for his happiness.. and I may not always be able to express these feelings verbally because it is not always my nature to be forthcoming, i feel them and I wish them the world.. everything they desire..
i would share my birthday with you too..
love
Friday, July 18, 2008
Life
if its not one adventure, its another.. Life offers this to us.. our duty is to enjoy the moments.. one by one.. day by day.. to only look back and remember and to learn and to enjoy from these adventures.. take something from it.. but never have regret.. never wonder if you should have done something differently because you've learned a lesson.. or you should try to.. it is imperative and that is the beauty of life.. don't say I should have done it differently, say next time i will do it better.. there is no wrong or right.. there is just what you've learned and what you take from it..
i hereby make it my self proclaimed duty to follow these words as i for the most part do.. we all fall into the ruts.. the fuss.. but one thing i know.. one thing i believe, is there is always something new, some new lesson.. some new something.. and i promise to reval in every moment.. and i do this for myself and those around me..
7/18/08
i hereby make it my self proclaimed duty to follow these words as i for the most part do.. we all fall into the ruts.. the fuss.. but one thing i know.. one thing i believe, is there is always something new, some new lesson.. some new something.. and i promise to reval in every moment.. and i do this for myself and those around me..
7/18/08
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