Strength is this

With every loss
There is a gain
Every tear
Is not in vain
Something learned
Reason to ponder
I hold my thoughts
Your memory fonder
I treasure you
And have no fear
To move ahead
I must adhere
To life's purpose
Hope essential
Faith devout
Prayers are answered
Laughter sprouts
Forever through
This worlds tragedies
And in between
My brothers flame
Will conquer rain
kc 3 27 09

no more sorries

Hold the mirror
to your face
what you see
you can not replace
same as this
I ask you dear
don't beg for mercy
there is none here
I've got none to spare
You've got nothing to hide
You're all alone
In your made up demise
Wipe the handle of that blade
Put it down
Stop placing blame
Find a replacement
For your tears
Life it isn’t waiting dear

Jan 09 kc

Dripping Daisies

Dripping Daisies
Pretty Face
Tears Streaming
Lightning Pace

Burning Rage
Inside Out
Red Hot Thunder
Flaming Spout

Cloudy Waters
Welling Storms
Leaves Are Heavy
Puddles Form

Dripping Daisies
Fell From Grace
Hope Will Help Me
Keep My Face

2007

Leave

Just when I got used to
Having you around
You up and leave
Smile to frown
Same old story
Happens again
Comfortably happy
Begins then ends
Shaken and stirred
Mixed and mashed
I have to start over
Let go of my past
Watch you leave
Tears stream down
I’m happy for you But not for my frown
Will I see you again?
In some other place
Will we still remain?
As close as this space
Guess we will
I trust in us
I bid you farewell
Airplanes cause dust

2007

One whole year

One whole year
Still I wonder
Where you’ve been
Where’s your thunder
Not coming back
I see that’s clear
One whole year
Oh my dear
The sun it shines
The moon it glows
I stare at the clouds
Hoping they show
Some kind of sign
Some bright path
That leads me to
Nature’s wrath
I’d fight the stars
I’d shove the sun
To get you back
For a little fun
One whole year
Still I wonder
Where you are
Where’s your thunder
Your light won’t fade
I want you back
But this year I won’t be afraid

for my father - September 2007

This is my past

Where do you go when you get quiet
Where do you go when you dont speak
If I sit here in your darkness
Is it your demons I hear in the creaks
Your softer side has left you
disdain upon your face
angry words you'll mutter
I wasn't made to keep this pace
Come out from your darkness
I am nothing without you
I can be your angel
let me see your eyes shine blue

I bid 2008 farewell

Its been a year of observance.. A year of travel.. A year of fun.. A year of setbacks and harsh realities... A year of moving forward waits for me.. A year to love myself more than I do because sometimes its hard to really love yourself.. true? I've seen it all and have felt more than I wanted to feel.. You push forward.. you smile.. you laugh and then you cry and through your tears you wonder where your joy went.. I've been as high as the moon and as low as this earths core it seems. Sometimes difficult to get up and all too easy to be pushed back down.

Oh do I sometimes miss the years of my life that mattered nothing because I had my entire life ahead of me.. selfish was ok.. being all about me was acceptable.. and to an extent it still is but the choices I make define my life more so now than ever.

I fear I live in fear.. this statement is something I struggle with because I am not sure how accurate it is. Am I just more mature and understand what I want and don't want more or do I push good things away because I fear them. Let go? Life life to its fullest.. Fall for the man who is falling for you not for the one who dismisses you.. but how can i fall for something I am not 100% sure I want to fall for.. I wonder, am I fooling myself waiting and searching for butterflies and giggles? Or do I create those things.. I suppose we create our own harmony. We can choose happiness over pain.. We can choose to smile instead of frown but what if I want something I do not have.. how can I smile from ear to ear when I am not complete.

And so I go.. 2009 here I come.. a smile for sure.. a glimmer of hope.. to have and to hold

realizations

Afraid of this
And who I am
Afraid you’ll see
And not understand

Afraid of me
And how I’ll be
Afraid to show you
What I’ve seen

Afraid I’ll love you
And you wont back
Afraid to want you
And you wont act

All this time
I’ve thought I’ve known
What I’ve needed
How I’ve grown

I know nothing
Of what I need
Or do I know
And just don’t believe

Goal Numero Uno - Accomplished

Check - I've run a half marathon.. I did it on a whim and I proved to myself I can do anything I put my mind to.. I ran and I ran and i never looked back.. I never looked too far ahead either.. I ran mile by mile and I told myself I could do it. I was confident and I was proud and I felt every single moment and I will cherish those two hours and 9 minutes for the rest of my life.. and I wasn't alone.. My father was there. I felt him in every step.. in every breath. he guided me. I believe that.. you may not. but i do.. two hours and 9 minutes of my life I will remember forever.. Im blessed to have had that time.. to have run freely and wholy.. for myself.. i did it for myself.. the best gift i could give to me..

7/27/08

check check

Butterfly

I swallowed a butterfly
If you care to know
When I answered the phone
And said hello

Minding my business
Living my life
Planning my future
Never thought twice

I swallowed a butterfly
Flew down my throat
Into my stomach
Panic evoked

Caused so much tension
Uneasy sleep
I sat up praying
Its wings would cease

2006

Sweet September

Sweet September

Take me back to sweet September
Let me change the way it was
Take me back to sweet September
The day my sun fell to dust

Take me back to sweet September
Let me change the scene
Let me not see death
A knife puncturing me
The ringing noise that silenced me

Take me back to sweet September
Let me change the path
Daddies little girl
Jimmy’s favorite girl
Alas they’ve both banished me

Take me back to sweet September

2006

true happiness

my other halve.. my twin is engaged.. engaged to a gorgeous, amazing, strong and courageous girl.. i call her courageous because she accepts Michael.. gorgeous because she is.. amazing because believe it or not, I've seen her grow into her own over the last two years.. I consider myself to be a perceptive person, and I've seen her become someone that I can truly respect over the last few years.. I think my favorite thing about her is her laugh.. she shares with the Chatzopoulos's the laugh.. the all wholehearted, I'm enjoying life, because its funny laugh.. and i love it.. Strong because she's an athlete.. Strong because she's shared so many moments with our family with all the confidence it takes.. maybe nervous but she never showed it.. I think my dad adored her.. If I could speak for him I would say he adored her.. her candor, her laughter, her intelligence.. and her love for Michael..

I have never seen my brother so happy.. I am thrilled for him.. i am thrilled for his happiness.. and I may not always be able to express these feelings verbally because it is not always my nature to be forthcoming, i feel them and I wish them the world.. everything they desire..

i would share my birthday with you too..

love

Life

if its not one adventure, its another.. Life offers this to us.. our duty is to enjoy the moments.. one by one.. day by day.. to only look back and remember and to learn and to enjoy from these adventures.. take something from it.. but never have regret.. never wonder if you should have done something differently because you've learned a lesson.. or you should try to.. it is imperative and that is the beauty of life.. don't say I should have done it differently, say next time i will do it better.. there is no wrong or right.. there is just what you've learned and what you take from it..

i hereby make it my self proclaimed duty to follow these words as i for the most part do.. we all fall into the ruts.. the fuss.. but one thing i know.. one thing i believe, is there is always something new, some new lesson.. some new something.. and i promise to reval in every moment.. and i do this for myself and those around me..

7/18/08

untitled

I've soared through the sky
You took me there
A whole new world
Without a care
And now im back
In my own space
Holding on
To your embrace
In my mind
In my time
I see your face
Do you see mine?

07/08 kt

Dr Seuss who?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Drink the house bubbles
And your likely to puke

That being said
When you don’t eat enough
You could possible blunder
And say just too much

So watch what your saying
And only drink vueve
Because the day may come
You puke on the wrong jimmy choos

Tears from Heaven

Tears from heaven
Beating down
Speak to me
Bitter sweet sound

Communication through the sky
Hopeful dreams…..Sad lies
Destiny chose your path
Left us here…… memories of past

Snow falls down
Slip and slide
Angry words
The wind will cry

Tears from heaven
Fall on me
Give my last breathe
To feel this free

Friends we’ve lost
Friends we’ve found
Speak to us
Rhythm resounds

Speaking in riddles
Water fills the ground
Life around me grows
Two world’s compound

Thankful for the changes
Speech from up above
Sunshine takes away the clouds
With brightness and with love

kt - written sometime in '02

Living for the lost

Its because you left so soon
that I live my life so fully
Its because you'll never breathe one breath
that my smile comes so surely

Its not because I don't miss you
or feel sad because you're gone
Its because I'm living more
to try and right this wrong

And its true sometimes I wonder
why it's you and its not me
Some things I'll never answer
And some things are never meant to be

So you'll control the thunder
And you'll control the sea
And i'll always remember
You're smiling down on me

kt - written sometime in 01/02

untitled

What is a rose without its thorn
The ache
The break
The beating storm
For all the red
I've seen blue
For all who've caught me
I've let go of a few
I've seen the world
In you face
I've walked away
From your embrace
Won't you find me
Hold me tight
Let the thunder
Give you might
The ache the break
The beating storm
My tears come easy
In this lonely world.

The Significance of the Penny

Last night I heard some pretty disturbing news regarding the cherished Penny.. I hadn't realized how many people in this world disregard its significance.. I think its my duty as a citizen of the world.. or more so, as a citizen of wishful thinking.. of the little things.. to give you my opinion.. my experience in regards to the penny..

And so let me begin.. We've all seen the Goonies.. or I hope so anyway... And using this as an example, we all know the scene where the kids reach the underground area where they think they have found the treasure but all they really found was a wishing well.. surrounded by pennies.. of wishes people have made.. And I start with that example and I tell you this...

when i find a penny on the street, I am humble in the sense that I pick it up.. no matter who is around.. not because I need a penny.. not because I want to add it to some sort of piggy bank.. but because that penny is something of a wish.. Do you believe in wishes? Do you believe in something that isn't practical? Something that is a bit unrealistic? Something that is a bit silly but enlightening all at the same time.. A penny.. A wish.. And I will pick up the penny and I will smile and i will think long and hard about a wish that I may have.. I will make it and it may or may not come true.. It all depends on how much you believe in the little things.. The things that make our lives a bit more exciting than reality..

My unselfish self often times will not make wishes for myself, but for friends for family that I know are yearning for something.. and I will wish for them.. But just the other day, I made a simple wish for myself.. as i walked off the ferry I found a penny on the ground.. I giggled.. I stopped in front of 35 commuters.. not embarrased at all that i was about to pick up a penny and I made a wish.. I also said my wish out loud ( i believe that really locks in the wish) and it came true the next day.. I tell you no lie.. it came true..

So on the heals of all this, I will prefise my fascination with wishes.. I have heard from my mother that my father had this same thought.. this same reality as I do with pennies.. And after he passed away, i would find pennies everywhere in bulk i might add. Literally, 5 6 7 pennies in one clip.. and i would giggle (isn't giggling just an amazing feeling.. bet you none picker upper of pennies dont giggle that often) I would pick them up one by one, no matter what kind of ny rush I was in.. one by one.. wish for wish.. and it was fun.. It still is fun..

So I just say this.. lifes tough.. lifes busy and life can be consuming.. so pick up the penny.. and make a wish.. either throw it back down when you're done or toss it back on the sidewalk and hope someone else gets the joy you have just received..

Here's to your next wish.

Change

Our capacity to handle change, adversity; all that life throws at us is quite considerable.. but thrown at us in one foul swoop can be a bit overwhelming.. expected to keep our grace, keep our composure with every turn of events is a challenge..